Into The Melancholy Night
by Magnus The Wolf
Summary: Prequel to Never Gone. Shalimar hopes of ending her dreadful night situations but she needs a little help from a friend...
1. melancholy Feelings Of A Feral

**Please read these Author's notes as they are intended to help make the story and timeline more understandable. I am not and have not changed anything from the original Mutant X verse. It all stands as is. Everything that happened happened so nothing's been altered.**

_Relation to other stories: This is a prequel to "Never Gone."_

_Warnings: Like a skunk has stink this story's got slash, people._

_Disclaimer: Ok so I don't own the characters but I own this lil song and dance (aka story) they're doin'. _

**Into The Melancholy Night**

"Hey, Shal, you look energized," Brennan complimented as a jump feral jogged past him in the hall a tight butt catching his attention as it wiggled by in her black workout pants. Was there ever a time she didn't look energized? Or gorgeous for that matter? He surely couldn't think of any.

"Thought I'd get a morning workout out in," she responded turning to look at him and being sure to keep herself moving as she answered.

"Want some company," he asked lifting an arm and taking a step towards her in hopes or gaining an invitation.

"I already got plans, Bren. Maybe next time."

Winking before she turned Shalimar eagerly jogged down the hall towards the dojo anticipating her routine more than ever. Not just for the exercise but also for her partner already waiting for her. Always waiting. Always willing to help her, assist her, spend time with her, adore her, compliment her, and maybe even love her.

The all smiles feral jogged herself into the empty dojo looking around for the object of her thoughts. She was usually always on time especially when Shalimar told her she wanted to train in the mornings. She placed her water bottle on the side of the mat and looked around for her partner.

"Hey," Emma greeted at the sight of blonde hair as the back of a head was facing her.

The sound of her voice alone was enough to brighten up the feral's morning and she had thought nothing could top it. That was until she turned around of course.

Emma slowly walked towards the feral who mimicked her actions keeping the same tempo as she moved closer to the woman by the moment until she stood face to face with her. The woman she called friend, even best friend. With whom there were supposed to be no secrets but from whom she might have kept the most. Unwillingly, mind you, but she still kept them. Safe and locked away as far down in her heart as she could stuff them, chained in a little box out of reach of the psionic until one day she might feel secure enough to share it's contents with the woman. One day. But today they were screaming for release.

"You feeling good?" Emma asked already plastering her "I mean business" look across her angelic face. Feminine arms folded to match her stance and Emma continued to grin at the eager feral always admiring how much she loved to train or even spend time with her. It was soothing, a relief, and she didn't mind one bit being the feral's aspirin anytime she needed it.

"Oh I'm ready, baby," the feisty feral assured jumping in her place to prove the point. "Let's go."

Jogging around her partner Shalimar kept close watch on the psionic who moved better than she'd remembered she could. Brown eyes remained fixated on the target before her and it wasn't nearly a bad sight as all. Emma was looking more than a little fetching in her light blue exercise pants and matching sports bra and Shalimar was sure she wouldn't have kept such a close eye on her if she was someone else. Well, sort of sure anyway.

A punch was thrown at the feral who found it a little harder than usual to dodge but just making the movement she was quick to react with one of her own. She didn't remember Emma being that fast either because almost as soon as her arm was in position the psionic had relocated herself urging Shalimar to follow in her footsteps in hopes of keeping up.

"What's wrong?" Emma asked an almost evil grin tattooed on her face. "The feral having a little trouble?"

"I don't think so," was Shalimar's comeback along with a quick reach to the red head's neck allowing her to grab the woman and pull her into a dominating hold. "What's wrong?" Shalimar asked grinning at the half side of the face she could see at her angle. "Havin' a lil' trouble?"

"Ok, ok," Emma laughed. "I'm sorry about that. I'll play fair from now on."

The response was enough to allow the feral to loosen up on her tight grasp and release the woman.

Standing back up Emma brushed her hands through her hair straightening out what Shalimar managed to displace in all of five seconds.

"Well, I'll say one thing for you," Emma began. "You haven't lost your reflexes. That's one thing I think sh-"

"How about we go again huh?" the feral interrupted positioning herself once more.

Smiling, Emma looked up knowing she couldn't very well turn down an opportunity like that especially if it was Shalimar's wishes.

"Hey, Bren, have you see Shal I wanna talk to her about a new program I designed?" Jesse asked as the man entered the hallway seeing Jesse sitting at his favorite computer no doubt heavy into research.

"Yeah she was heading for a workout last I saw her," Brennan answered leaning his arm on the wall beside the blonde man.

"Hmm. Hey, Shal," Jesse called hoping she'd be able to hear over whatever type of strenuous activity she was no doubt immersed into at the moment. "Shal, can you hear me?"

"What is it, Jess?" the feral asked not letting her guard down as she continued sparing with the red head.

"Can you come to living room I wanna talk to you about something?"

"Can it wait I'm training?" she questioned not wanting to leave the sight of the woman before her who seemed to light up the room herself. Looking into her eyes as they spared she knew it was all the psionic's doing. The hell with lamps.

"It's kinda important," he responded.

Sighing, Shalimar gave the motion to stop and allowed herself to catch her breath for a second bracing her hands on her knees as she bent over slightly.

"Alright," she responded the knowledge she'd never let a friend down ringing loudly in her heart. "I'll be there in a few."

Turing to Emma, Shalimar tried to hide her sad eyes. Tried not to show all she was feeling not wanting to offend the woman.

"I gotta go," she informed standing herself back up again. "But I'll be back later. We'll finish this."

"It was a good workout, Shal," Emma informed reaching out to place a hand on the blonde's shoulder, some hair draped over the exposed skin she found there.

Shalimar's eyes instantly closed allowing herself to reveal in only the touch of the woman. She allowed the warmth, the love, the pure heat and essence of the red head to nearly fill her at the moment before brown eyes opened back up to stare into empty blue crystals.

"Thanks," she finally responded suddenly feeling better about leaving after her brief yet powerful connection.

Shalimar smiled once more before bending over to pick up her bottle and walking slowly across the floor.

"Shal," Emma said when the feral had reached only a few steps past her.

Shalimar turned to face the red head as she spoke unsure but curious if she actually spotted sadness in those eyes looking back at her.

"I just wanna say I know," Emma's broad statement came as a shock to the blonde who furled her brow at the remark in question.

"What?"

What could she possibly know? Shalimar asked herself, curiosity getting the best of her.

"I know what you think when you look at me."

The statement was followed by immediate silence. Shalimar could feel herself tense up at the words not just for the slight workout she was sure but for the awkwardness of the moment.

"I know you wish I-"

"Hey, Shal!" Brennan's voice interrupted their conversation and each turned their eyes to the hall where he was approaching.

"I gotta go," Shalimar informed sadly turning to head towards the door.

Meeting her half way was Brennan, oblivious look on his face and all.

"What's going on?" he asked sensing he'd just missed something important.

"Just training. Same as always," she lied continuing on her way down the hall as the man followed grinning like a fool.

"So what were you talking about?" he asked raising an eye to her as if he knew he was being left out of some important loop at the moment.

Shalimar looked over her shoulder to flash him the same look before turning back as she reached Jesse at his computer.

"Hey, Shal," Jesse greeted. "How was training?"

The feral had a different look for him at the question one letting him know she didn't feel like talking about it at the moment and quickly getting the hint the molecular changed the topic.

"Uh, Shal, can I talk to you?" he asked looking to Brennan briefly. "In private?"

"Alright, alright I know when I'm not wanted," Brennan said throwing his arms up. "I guess I'll go uh, train," he said leaning in to the feral slightly as he spoke the last word almost carrying a knowing tone in his voice. "See ya," was his exit as he left down the hall back towards the dojo.

"Does he know?" Shalimar asked suddenly feeling unsettled at the thought.

"No," Jesse reassured. "Your secret's safe with me."


	2. The Empty Night Walks On

Shalimar paced in her bedroom. Her conversation with Jesse had been much more unnerving than she could have anticipated. All the things racing through her mind were each demanding equal attention from the feral who just couldn't comply with the needs of her own heart. Her mind traced back over a similar path. One it always seemed to take more often than it probably should and thoughts of Emma were back in her mind almost instantly as they had gone.

She couldn't help it. Even if she wanted to she couldn't get the red head out of her own blonde one no matter how hard she tried. And she had tried at some points how she tried. It was always the same. The harder she tried not to think of the woman the more she came into her consciousness. Even her subconscious wasn't safe since the dreams had started. She didn't know which was worse.

All the things she ached to say were so easy for her in the night. When she was alone in her bed the words came to her. But it was too late to speak them. She hated it. Hated spending the dark hours in a lonely melancholy atmosphere every night when all she wanted was Emma to be there. To hold her. To touch her. Was it really too much to ask?

There was nothing she could do. Or was there? Something had to be done that was a given. Maybe if she just tried to explain it, get it off her chest, out of her heart, finally she could rest. Enjoy something other than the melancholy and dreaded emptiness she faced every night when the lights when out.

She had to do it soon. She knew time was an issue for her heart, for her soul, and for Emma. She couldn't wait another day. It was time to be the feral Emma had always seen her as; a woman strong enough to go after what she wanted. And she was going to be. She was going to do it. For Emma. She owned it to her own heart and soul to unburden herself, fully expose her inner most best kept secrets. And she owed it to Emma too. She should've exclaimed her feelings long ago and kicked herself for the fact as she headed down the hall back towards the dojo breathing deeply along the way. Why was she so nervous?

"Hey," a shirtless and very sweaty Brennan called whipping his face with a small white towel as he approached. "Working out again?" he asked seeing her take-charge demeanor.

"Yep."

"Well, it's all yours," he informed as he himself tried to catch his breath. He was more than beat and although he wanted to question Jesse, a nice cold drink and rest on the bed sounded better to him.

"Emma," Shalimar called as she nearly charged into the dojo looking around for the woman she knew was somewhere nearby. "Emma," she called again.

"Shal, what is it?" Emma asked heading in from the adjoining exercise room. "Is something wrong?"

Walking over to the feral in the middle of the room Emma wondered what was bothering the woman and wanted nothing more than to help her friend.

"Let's sit down," Shalimar said and instantly Emma was guiding her over to the loveseat against the wall and sitting beside her.

"What is it?" she reiterated once they were both comfortable on the soft furniture.

"I need to tell you something. Well, lots of things. I want you to know why I asked you here."

"I know wh-"

"No. You don't. Not entirely."

Reaching down Shalimar placed he hands atop the psionic's closing her eyes to allow the same warmth and love she always felt to wash over her, soothing her, and calming her down.

"I asked you here because I hate the way I'm living. I'm living a lie to all my friends. To you even. There's so many things I never told you. Every night I can't help but go over them in my head thinking maybe if I had just-"

"No," Emma stopped her. "You know you can't think like that. I'm here now. Why don't you tell me what it is you're dealing with?"

Pausing Shalimar took another deep breath preparing herself for the moment she thought, she'd wished, she'd had sooner than this.

"I love you," she whispered unintentionally. Upon hearing how soft her words were she spoke them again, louder, getting an instant reaction from the psionic.

The bright smile the red head offered was a good sign and lit the room even more. Emma stood up urging the feral to do the same and stepped as close as she could to the blonde.

"I… I just," Shalimar paused scanning her mind and heart for any possible right words. "There's just so much I need to tell you. I don't know where to begin."

"I think you've told me."

"But there's more. There's-"

"I know," Emma convinced. "I can see all that."

"You can?"

"Yes. Everything."

Shalimar closed her eyes although she kept the picture of Emma clear in her mind. Her head leaned closer to the woman who did nothing to move from the incoming intrusion of the feral's lips. Holding herself there Shalimar opened her eyes a sliver enough to see the psionic's face was almost as close as her own and lips slowly parted to meet with the red head's.

Finally pulling back Shalimar took a deep breath, the weight lifted from her heart finally and the air somewhat less bitter to breathe.

"Thank you," she spoke softly against the psionic's shoulder.

Drawing arms up around the feral Emma smiled and leaned back to look in the eyes that told her the same as her mouth how she felt.

"Thank you," Emma spoke.

"I needed you to know," Shalimar informed searching the blue eyes before her trying to ignore what she saw, or didn't see, in them.

Emma reached a hand up to brace around the feral's cheek and smiled down at her a smile that would get a reaction out of any angel who saw it.

"I'm sure she knew. How could she not?"

Footsteps, heels, echoed as they stepped closer down the hall and Shalimar knew it was time once again for another heartbreak.

"Shal," the woman called and she looked back to Emma, pulling herself a few steps from her all the while the red head holding her warm smile while Shalimar turned her eyes to the ground, shocked at the few tears she saw pooled there.

"End simulation," she ordered, the words almost choking in her throat and the smiling red head disappearing without a trace just as quickly.

She turned to the door just as Lexa reached it and leaned into the room.

"Hey, Shal, who you talking to?" Lexa asked at the lonesome feral in the center of the room.

"It's nothing," Shalimar assured taking one last look at where the red head had stood before shuffling her way across the floor.

"Something wrong?" Lexa asked catching the look in the blonde's eyes.

"Losing her for the second time. It doesn't get any easier," she informed exiting the dojo and heading for her room, a good cry sounding about due.

Shalimar lie flat on her back in her bed, the tears had stained her cheek at an angle from the position but she didn't care. Her sheets were more than used to the salty tears she draped them in on a regular basis and would hardly complain about a downpour now.

She thought it all over. She had been enjoying Emma, or the Emma knockoff, Jesse had created for her for a couple months now. More than usual lately. When he informed her the program was running errors and had to be terminated it was almost too much for her to stand. Losing the psionic again would surely kill her, she thought. And then to lose her again without ever have told her how she felt. She couldn't let it happen. Her heart was barely hanging on by a thread as it was.

But now that she had unburdened herself, although it did feel better, why did she still have such a nagging sense of unfinished business? She opened her heart and did what she'd wanted to do for so long. But had she really? Would her unfinished business remain so forever? The simulation Emma had been attributed with many of Emma's own and had managed to convince her Emma did probably have some idea of how she felt and that in itself had lifted a small weight from her heart. But what about how Emma had felt for her? She'd never know for sure would she?

The thoughts were quickly upsetting the feral and a pinch came in her stomach begging her to turn to her side and she agreed. The clock on the nightstand was in her sights; red lights flickered to six pm. It would start soon. She knew the routine. All too well in fact. And wanting to get it over with as soon as possible, she closed her eyes, easing her transition into another melancholy night.

The End


End file.
